Messy

Lola Young’s line, “Cause I'm too messy, and then I'm too fucking clean,” pretty much lives rent-free as the theme song of my life. Maybe yours too? While the full song explores the complexity of a relationship, that one line feels like it can justify just about anything in life these days. This reel from Ahilya Bamroo really captures that sentiment!

When it comes to the beautiful messiness of life, fiction has been my go-to genre lately, for exactly that reason. A common thread among the books I’ve been loving is the presence of strong, nuanced characters trying to figure things out. The last few – Intermezzo by Sally Rooney (and I love Normal People), Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors, Evenings and Weekends by Oisin Mckenna and Fundamentally by Nussaibah Younis have so many nuances within the characters that are living perfectly imperfect lives. From a chess prodigy with a secret girlfriend to a lawyer battling a history of addiction to a gay man entangled with high-profile politicians as a form of escape – each one adds depth to the storytelling. These protagonists often feel like mirrors to society, where the decisions they make lead to entirely unexpected outcomes. There’s an openness to possibility that’s both refreshing and real.

Fiction books I’ve read and Lucy’s Book Club!

In my opinion, this is a big part of why books are having a moment—and why book clubs are making such a strong comeback. Waterstones in the UK, for example, has reinvented itself and reported record profits. Physical books, often viewed as antidotes to digital fatigue, now account for over 80% of book sales in the UK! My local bookstore has even started hosting monthly book events and book clubs. I’m all in for this cultural shift. I’ve read some of my fiction books as part of Lucy’s Book Club in London and messy characters is one of the top discussion points. I recall someone saying, ‘I worry for this character’ as if they are a real person! It made me realize that we’re all looking for a sense of normalcy and escape in stories that reflect imperfect lives—lives that look a lot like our own. We might want to escape into a book, but we’re no longer enamored by perfect, put-together characters or happily-ever-after endings. While we’re in the middle of our own chaos, we want reassurance that we’re not alone in it.

Come to think of it, for the longest time, I didn’t understand why I loved cleaning my room or organizing my cupboard. My friend S and I used to call it going into hairband mode. Cleaning, for me, was a way to bring structure to my mind—or to the chaos that was unfolding. We already know that as humans, we’re wired to crave law and order—as the saying goes, opposites attract. Organizing is essentially an attempt at creating order. It gives us a sense of accomplishment, a feeling of control. Maybe that’s why Marie Kondo’s “Does this bring you joy?” felt like such an achievable, satisfying pursuit.

We’re constantly oscillating between periods of mess and attempts at order. It’s a pendulum that’s been swinging since time immemorial.

Society itself operates on the principles of law and order, which is why we’re conditioned to find comfort in it. And while I believe structure is essential for things to move forward, I also think there should be space for messy lives within that structure. A perfectly ordered life is nearly impossible. Even with all the hype around AI, it still can’t render a perfect human limb—there’s always an extra finger or a missing knee!

The pandemic in 2020 really cracked open the illusion of perfectly curated lives. People joined online meetings with laundry in the background. Pets climbed over keyboards. Kids ran amok in the room. Suddenly, we were all witnessing each other trying to figure life out in real time. It brought out something deeply human in all of us. One of my favourite shifts on the internet has been this: the stigma around sharing how messy life can be, has practically disappeared. The old adage “Never meet your heroes—they’ll disappoint you” no longer holds true. In fact, the real trend among influencers now is to show how many bad days exist alongside the good ones. People are over-sharing their decisions, their failures, their uncertainty—how they’re just trying to figure it out. Hell, even new-age CEOs are building their companies in public. I have so much respect for that kind of authenticity.

Being messy has always been seen as a bad thing. But does it have to be?

As a creative person, I thrive in a sort of mess – not necessarily a messy room but in the chaos of a problem just beginning to unfold. A conundrum of sorts. That’s where I start to see patterns I hadn’t noticed before. I love possibility. I’m drawn to opportunity. I enjoy getting my hands dirty, figuring things out. I like being a maker. And I really love starting from nothing. The process of untangling the mess is intrinsic to who I am; and I know I’m not alone. If you look closely at artists’ studios, there’s always a sense of clutter, of unfinished work, of curiosity suspended in mid-air. I believe messy is the process, not necessarily the outcome.

Artist Studios – Robert Rauschenberg, Basquiat, Joan Miro

Creativity truly flourishes in spaces with less structure and more open-ended questions. When different ideas are allowed to cross-pollinate and sit within a messy, undefined context, unexpected outcomes emerge. Open-plan offices and hot desking are essentially companies embracing that kind of creative chaos. Spaces where people can come together in surprising, serendipitous ways. So, what if we looked at our lives that way too? While there may be structure on the outside, what if we allowed room for messy spaces on the inside? Holding space for that uncertainty and mess can really help us go a long way. I mean considering there are no right or wrong decisions in life – just decisions and consequences of decisions. Newer paths only emerge when we allow for that ambiguity.

The idea of a perfectly curated life is a modern-day farce; one that social media has led us to believe. It breeds comparison and anxiety. Most people are just putting on a show because they know others are watching. I don’t buy into the narrative that people are happy and have it all figured out all the time. Social media has amplified a new kind of pecking order. We’ve been taught to prize connection and status in this performative space. So now, who you are seems to be the sum total of who you know and what others think of you. And no one wants to be seen as a hot mess.

But not having your life in perfect order, not knowing where you are going, not knowing what you are effectively doing is the full human experience. So why not embrace this mess? And if ‘figuring it out’ was the only way to be then wouldn’t we all be equally successful? Everything after all is a matter of perception.